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An interesting dump page
who doesn’t love sleep deprivation am i right hey y’all thanks for showing up to my dump new stuff is at the bottom so you can scroll down and enjoy the rainbow goodness k bye STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS ahh today, i went to sell butterbraids for the school fundraiser i froze my hands off for two and a half hours walking tirelessly from house to house only to sell 8 butterbraids??? like come on people it’s cold out here that is all BIRDS WE SHOULD ALL BOW DOWN TO OUR RIGHTFUL OVERLORDS, THE BIRDS. DITCH THOSE RELIGIONS YOU BELIEVE IN — IT’S BIRD TIME NOW. THINK ABOUT IT. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A PREGNANT BIRD? NO? -SLAMS HAND DOWN ON TABLE- THAT’S BECAUSE THEY DON’T EXIST. WHAT WOULD THEY EVEN LOOK LIKE? A BIRD WITH A SLIGHTLY LARGER STOMACH? HOW DO BIRDS EVEN FIT AN EGG IN THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE? TAKE THE KIWIS. NOT THE FRUIT. GIVE ME MY KIWIS BACK. WHY? I DON’T KNOW. I HATE KIWIS. AND I WANT MY PEOPLE FROM NEW ZEALAND BACK TOO. I’M TALKING ABOUT THE BIRDS. ACCORDING TO THE VERY RELIABLE SOURCE OF WIKIPEDIA, A KIWI BIRD’S EGG CAN BE UP TO 20% OF THE BIRD’S BODY WEIGHT OR SOMETHING. IT DOESN’T MATTER. IMAGINE IF A HUMAN HAD TO CARRY A BABY A FIFTH THEIR SIZE FOR NINE MONTHS. THE AVERAGE WEIGHT OF AN AMERICAN WOMAN OVER THE AGE OF TWENTY IS 170 POUNDS. BASED ON THE RATIOS FOR THOSE FEATHERY BEASTS, AN AVERAGE BABY WOULD BE LIKE 34 POUNDS AT BIRTH. NO THANK YOU. BIRDS CAN LITERALLY SURVIVE ANYTHING. DON’T FIGHT ME ON THIS. BIRDS ARE ALSO ANCESTORS OF FRICKIN’ DINOSAURS. REMEMBER DINOSAURS? THOSE PESKY LITTLE THINGS THAT STOMPED AROUND AND MADE LIFE RATHER UNPLEASANT FOR EVERYONE? WELL, BIRDS CAME FROM THOSE MONSTERS. AND WE KNOW THEY’RE MONSTERS. SO WHY DO WE TRUST BIRDS SO MUCH? WE LET THEM FLY THROUGH THE SKY WITH RECKLESS ABANDON. WE LET THEM CROWD THE STREETS OF MAJOR CITIES. WE LET THEM INTO OUR HOMES AND CALL THEM “PETS”. WE WOULD NEVER LET A DINOSAUR DO THAT. SO WHAT HAVE BIRDS DONE INSTEAD? THEY’VE SHRUNK AND COVERED THEMSELVES IN FEATHERS. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT SOUNDS LIKE TO ME? A DISGUISE. THEY LITERALLY EVOLVED TO FOOL ALL LIVING HUMANS THAT THEY WERE INNOCENT AND HARMLESS. BUT THEY’RE NOT. LET ME TELL YOU WHY BIRDS ARE EVIL. DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MAGPIES? IF YOU LIVE IN AUSTRALIA, YOU PROBABLY DO. MAGPIES ARE BIRDS THAT, COME SPRINGTIME, WILL LITERALLY FLY FROM THE HELLSCAPE THEY WERE SPAWNED IN AND ATTACK THE HUMANS LIVING IN AUSTRALIA. IT’S SO BAD THAT COMPANIES HAVE ACTUALLY MADE CLOTHING THAT IS REFLECTIVE, TO TRY AND MOMENTARILY BLIND THE CREATURES SO THAT THE HUMAN CAN FLEE. DO THEY REALLY WORK? I DON’T KNOW. I DON’T LIVE IN AUSTRALIA. ONE THING I DON’T GET, THOUGH, IS WHY THEY EAT WORMS. YES, THEY EAT BERRIES AND SEEDS AND SOMETIMES THE ROTTING CARCASSES OF OTHER ANIMALS. I SEE YOU, VULTURES AND CONDORS AND WHATEVER OTHER BIRDS DO THAT. BUT HUMANS ALSO EAT BERRIES AND SEEDS AND THE MEAT OF OTHER ANIMALS, AND THEY’RE OBVIOUSLY NOT THAT MUCH SMARTER THAN BIRDS. SO, WHAT’S THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IN THEIR DIET? WORMS. BUT WHY? WORMS LITERALLY HAVE NO BRAIN. I THINK. SURE, THEY’RE SUPER IMPORTANT TO THE EARTH’S WELLBEING BY PASSING DIRT THROUGH THEIR SYSTEM TO MAKE COMPOST, BUT HOW CAN BIRDS BE SO SMART FROM EATING THEM? I’M PRETTY SURE THEY TASTE LIKE DIRT ANYWAY, FROM ALL THAT DIRT THEY CONSUME ON A DAILY BASIS. AND THIS BRINGS ME TO THE SAYING “THE EARLY BIRD GETS THE WORM”. WHAT DOES IT MEAN? DO WORMS HAVE AN INTERNAL CLOCK NOW THAT TELLS THEM WHEN IT IS “EARLY”? DON’T THEY SPEND MOST OF THEIR TIME UNDERGROUND, ANYWAY? WHY WOULD THEY NEED TO GO ABOVEGROUND WHERE THEY RISK GETTING EATEN? THE EARLY BIRD GETS THE WORM, BUT THE SECOND MOUSE GETS THE CHEESE... AND THE INJURED/DEAD BODY OF THEIR COMRAD STARING AT THEM AS THEY DEVOUR THEIR DISGUSTING, BLOOD-COVERED, CHEESY, LACTOSE-FILLED TREAT. BUT IT’S EVERY MOUSE FOR THEMSELVES NOW, IN THIS WORLD OVERRUN BY BIRDS. I’M TELLING YOU, KIDS, DON’T EVER LET YOUR PARENTS GET YOU A PET BIRD. IT DOESN’T MATTER THAT THEY’RE “SO PRETTY” AND “BIRDSEED IS SO MUCH CHEAPER”. YOU’LL LITERALLY BE INVITING THE DEVIL INTO YOUR HOME, WHERE THEY CAN SPY ON THE HABITS OF NORMAL HUMANS AND SEND THE PRECIOUS INFORMATION BACK TO THE GOVERNMENT. YES, YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT. I SAID THE GOVERNMENT. BIRDS ARE SECRETLY WORKING AS GOVERNMENT SPIES IN EXCHANGE FOR BIRDSEED. BUT WHEN GOVERNMENT SPIES ARE CONCERNED, THERE WILL ALSO BE REBELS. THOSE REBELS ARE NONE OTHER THAN THE MIGHTY PENGUINS. YES. THE PENGUINS. THINK ABOUT IT. PENGUINS DWELL IN THE SOUTH POLE, FAR AWAY FROM HUMAN CONTACT. THIS IS BECAUSE THEY HAVE LEARNED TO STAY HIDDEN FROM US IN ORDER TO COMPLETE THEIR MISSION, WHICH IS TO OVERTHROW THE BIRD GOVERNMENT. THE PENGUINS YOU CAN FIND IN ZOOS ARE ACTUALLY THE POOR SOULS WHO WERE CAPTURED ON DUTY AND THEREBY FORCED TO REMAIN IN CAPTIVITY FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES WHILE THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS OF SMALL BRAINWASHED CHILDREN GAWK AT THEM. WHY ARE PENGUINS SO DETERMINED TO DESTROY THE CORRUPTED BIRD GOVERNMENT? IT’S BECAUSE THEY CAN’T FLY. ALMOST EVERY SPECIES OF BIRD CAN FLY. IF YOU DIDN’T KNOW THIS PRIOR TO ME TELLING YOU, FEEL FREE TO ASK THE NEAREST PERSON TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE. GO ON, DO IT. I’LL WAIT. ... OKAY, LET’S KEEP GOING. PENGUINS GOT THE SHORT END OF THE STICK. YES, THERE ARE OTHER SPECIES OF BIRDS THAT CAN’T FLY, BUT THEY HAVE OTHER COOL FEATURES. THE CASSOWARY CAN LITERALLY KICK YOUR TORSO OFF YOUR LEGS AND TOSS YOUR LIMBS INTO THE AIR ONE BY ONE. THE OSTRICH CAN RUN REALLY FLIPPIN’ FAST AND CAN ALSO RIP YOUR HEAD OFF YOUR BODY WITH A SINGLE KICK. THE EMU CAN DO A COOL SPINNY THING WHILE IT’S RUNNING AND THROW OFF PREDATORS CHASING IT. THE KIWI HAS A REALLY SICK NAME. WHAT CAN THE PENGUIN DO? CAN A PENGUIN BRUTALLY MURDER YOU? I DON’T THINK SO. CAN IT RUN FAST? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA NO. DOES IT HAVE A COOL NAME? NOPE. OBVIOUSLY PENGUINS WILL WANT REVENGE ON THOSE WHO CURSED THEM WITH BORINGNESS. AND WHO WERE THE EVIL WITCHES AND WARLOCKS? WHO WERE THE ONES STIRRING THEIR CAULDRONS AND SQUAWKING? NONE OTHER THAN THE BIRD GOVERNMENT! BUT EVEN AFTER ALL THESE YEARS OF TRAINING AND PREPARING AND HIDING, THE CORRUPTED BIRD GOVERNMENT HAS STILL NOT BEEN TOPPLED BY THE FORMIDABLE FORCE OF THE PENGUIN ARMY. THE GOVERNMENT BIRD SPIES ARE DANGEROUS CREATURES AND WILL NOT HESITATE TO PULVERIZE. AND NOW SOME SPECIES OF PENGUINS ARE ENDANGERED, WHICH IS ONLY MORE PROOF THAT THE BIRD GOVERNMENT IS WINNING AND THE PENGUINS ARE LOSING. DO YOU SEE PIGEONS OR ROBINS OR BLUEJAYS OR CARDINALS OR BLACKBIRDS BECOMING ENDANGERED? NOPE. GLOBAL WARMING. EVERYONE KNOWS IT’S A THING. A BIG PROBLEM FOR PEOPLE. BUT BIRDS, LIKE, AREN’T EVEN AFFECTED. THEY CAN JUST MIGRATE OR WHATEVER. WHAT ABOUT PENGUINS? OHH BOY, THEY’RE IN TROUBLE. THEY CAN’T FLY AWAY FROM THEIR FROZEN HEADQUARTERS. AS THE SNOW CAPS MELT AWAY, PENGUINS WILL BE LEFT WITH LESS AND LESS LAND TO OPERATE ON. AND WHAT’S THE POINT OF LIVING WHEN YOU HAVE NO PURPOSE? WHEN EVERYTHING YOU BELIEVED IN, THE VERY GROUND YOU RESTED UPON FOR YEARS AND YEARS, IS TORN AWAY FROM YOU? THAT’S RIGHT. THERE’S NO POINT. PENGUINS WILL SLOWLY BUT SURELY DIE OUT, AND THE BIRD GOVERNMENT WILL FINALLY HAVE NO OPPOSITION. THAT’S WHY NOTHING IS BEING DONE ABOUT GLOBAL WARMING. THE GOVERNMENT PRETENDS TO CARE, BUT THEY REALLY JUST WANT THE PENGUIN REBEL ARMY GONE. AND I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS THIS. ”NEVER TRUST A BIRD. BIRDS ARE CLEARLY GOVERNMENT SPIES, AND WILL EVIDENTLY STOP AT NOTHING TO ACHIEVE THEIR GOALS.” - ALBERT EINSTEIN. ALBERT KNEW THE SECRETS OF THE BIRD GOVERNMENT, AND TRIED TO STOP THEM, BUT WHAT HAPPENED INSTEAD? HE DIED. THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DARE TO OPPOSE THE BIRDS — YOU DIE. YET ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF THEIR NEVER-ENDING CRUELTY. THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT. WHY SCHOOL ABSOLUTELY SUCKS I AM TYPING THIS AT 1 AM YET AGAIN EXCEPT THIS TIME I HAVE MAJOR STRESS ON MY MIND NOT JUST THE NORMAL AMOUNT OF STRESS OH NO THIS IS “HAVE-A-PANIC-ATTACK-AND-BREAK-DOWN-ON-THE-FLOOR-SOBBING” SORT OF STRESS AND I NEED TO VENT TO STAY MODERATELY CALM ABOUT IT SO LET ME TELL YOU WHY I AM STRESSED. 1. I HAVE A SCHOOL ART PROJECT DUE TOMORROW IT IS A MAJOR PROJECT THAT COUNTS FOR LIKE HALF OUR GRADE RIGHT NOW IT’S BASICALLY A COLLAGE OF A BUNCH OF PICTURES ON A LARGE SHEET OF PAPER THAT I AM REQUIRED TO DRAW A COPY OF I HAVE MAYBE HALF OF IT DONE AND THAT’S NOT INCLUDING THE BACKGROUND FINISHING IT WILL MOST LIKELY TAKE ME AT LEAST ANOTHER 4 HOURS I DO NOT HAVE 4 HOURS TO LEISURELY SPEND I’M THINKING ABOUT WAKING UP AT 6 (WHICH IS IN 5 HOURS) TO FINISH IT BECAUSE I HAVE SELECT CHOIR AT 7 AND ALSO HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE ACRYLIC PAINT TO DRY GOOD THING ACRYLIC PAINT DRIES FAST I THINK. 2. I HAVE ANOTHER DRAWING TO TURN IN — A MAP OF THE MIDDLE EAST YOU (MOST LIKELY) KNOW WHAT THIS IS MAYBE 90% OF IT IS ALREADY DONE BUT I STILL NEED TO ADD A COMPASS ROSE AND A DECENT-LOOKING SCALE AND OUTLINE THE TROPIC OF CANCER AND THE 60 DEGREE EAST LINE OH AND I ALSO HAVE TO COMPLETE THE STEP THAT I COMPLETELY MISSED ON THE STUPID SHEET DID I MENTION THAT THIS MAP WAS TECHNICALLY DUE YESTERDAY MORNING? 3. I HAVE TWO DAYS OF MATH HOMEWORK TO DO I DIDN’T DO YESTERDAY’S HOMEWORK BECAUSE I WAS BUSY STRESSING ABOUT THE MIDDLE EAST MAP (WHICH I DIDN’T END UP TURNING IN ON TIME ANYWAYS SO THAT WAS A WASTE OF MY LIFE) AND I ALSO HAVE TODAY’S HOMEWORK WHICH IS THE CLOSURE PROBLEMS THANK GOODNESS FOR HOMEWORK HELP ON THE CPM EBOOK YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MANY TIMES IT’S SAVED ME FROM CERTAIN DEATH. 4. I HAVE LET ME COUNT 7 MISSING ASSIGNMENTS IN CANVAS NONE OF THEM HAVE BEEN ENTERED INTO SKYWARD YET BUT THIS THURSDAY IS GRADING DAY AKA “IMMINENT DOOM OF EVERYONE WHO HAS 7 MISSING ASSIGNMENTS” DAY SO YAY ME LET ME JUST WATCH MY ALREADY FALTERING GRADES PLUMMET INTO THE HELL I WISH TO BE IN RIGHT NOW. THOSE ARE ONLY LIKE A FRACTION OF THE TOTAL AMOUNT OF REASONS WHY I’M STRESSED THEY’RE ONLY THE HOMEWORK RELATED ONES THERE ARE OBVIOUSLY OTHERS FOR EXAMPLE I HAVE TO GO AROUND AND ASK TEACHERS IF THEY WOULD LIKE TO PURCHASE SOME BUTTERBRAIDS FROM ME FOR A SCHOOL FUNDRAISER WHICH WOULD NORMALLY BE GOOD AND DANDY RIGHT BUT NO BECAUSE ONE OF MY FRIENDS HAS ALREADY GOTTEN TO ALL THE TEACHERS THAT I WANT TO SELL TOO AKA ALL THE TEACHERS THAT I’VE EVER HAD AND THEY HAVE 20 ORDERS AND I HAVE NONE THIS IS WONDERFUL!1!! EVERYTHING’S FINE!!!1!11 I’M GREAT!!1!!!11!11 I ALSO HAVE TO STRESS ABOUT UPCOMING ASSIGNMENTS FOR EXAMPLE IN GEOGRAPHY WE HAVE AN ESSAY DUE WEDNESDAY THAT I HAVEN’T EVEN STARTED YES I’VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT BECAUSE MY BRAIN HATES ME BUT HAVE I DONE ANY PHYSICAL ACTIONS TO WRITE THIS ESSAY NO AND ALSO WE HAVE A SPEECH DUE TOMORROW OR SOMETHING IN COMMUNICATIONS AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT MY TOPIC IS GOING TO BE BECAUSE AGAIN MY BRAIN HATES ME AND IS INDECISIVE AND UNCREATIVE AND EVERYTHING IS GOING WRONG IN MY LIFE WHY AM I THIS WAY? SO LET’S JUST SUMMARIZE THIS SPAZZED OUT RANT MY LIFE IS FALLING APART AS I LOOK AT IT AND THE PIECES ARE SHATTERING BEFORE I CAN PICK THEM BACK UP AND MY SANITY IS SLOWLY CRUMBLING INTO THE ABYSS AND I’M EXTREMELY SLEEP DEPRIVED BUT WHO NEEDS SLEEP ANYWAY I MEAN DIDN’T THAT ONE GUY SURVIVE 11 DAYS WITH NO SLEEP I BET I CAN BREAK THAT RECORD EXCEPT I WON’T EVEN GET AN AWARD OR WHATEVER FOR THAT BECAUSE THE GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS BOOK BANNED ANYMORE SLEEP EXPERIMENTS DUE TO “MENTAL HEALTH CONCERNS” OR WHATEVER HAHAHAHAHAHAMENTALHEALTHWHAT’STHATICERTAINLYDON’THAVEITANYMORE UPDATE SO IT IS 2:21 AM AND I JUST FINISHED THE MATH PROBLEMS I HAD TO DO AND I HAVE A FEW QUESTIONS SPECIFICALLY WHY WERE THERE 9 CLOSURE PROBLEMS HOW CAN YOU EXPECT US TO DO 9 CLOSURE PROBLEMS AT ONCE THEY LITERALLY TOOK UP A SHEET AND A HALF OF NOTEBOOK PAPER THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE MORE UPDATES I TURNED IN MORE ASSIGNMENTS ONE AT 2:24 AM ONE AT 2:32 AM AND ONE AT 2:43 AM NOW I JUST HAVE TWO MORE AND ONE OF THOSE IS THE ESSAY WHICH IS DUE TECHNICALLY ON WEDNESDAY SO I ACTUALLY JUST HAVE ONE MORE IT’S TIME TO SLEEP NOW BECAUSE I HAVE TO WAKE UP EARLIER TO FINISH MY PAINTING YAYYY... thoughts in choir class A BIT OF INFORMATION: my choir class is watching Beauty and the Beast right now because the teacher is gone. (it’s the old animated version and not the live-action one.) let the thoughts begin! #1. this is great. #2. belle’s opening song is actually sort of mean. imagine what the people were thinking belle: there goes the baker with his bread like always baker: there goes belle with her daily mean song about us #3. okay beasty calm down please #4. (after the song “gaston”) lefou is so gay #5. wow lefou is like my new favorite character I AM A SPEECH-WRITING GOD so you know the communications speech that was due yesterday at 11:59 pm right if you don’t, i had a speech that was due yesterday, november 17, at 11:59 pm and being me, i neglected it until the last day i had to work on it and at 10:30 pm on november 17, i suddenly realized, “oh no, i have a full 3-5 minute speech due in less than an hour and a half that i haven’t even started yet” at this point i was panicking a lot because, as i mentioned, i basically had to write a full-blown speech on a topic i wasn’t even sure about yet and get it turned in all before 11:59 pm now, fast forward to 11:54 pm five minutes before the due date i had almost finished my speech the only thing i had left was the conclusion oh, the conclusion i glared at the blank screen wishing i had started earlier and i WROTE that thing it was such a bad conclusion... sigh. what i’m trying to say is that I TURNED IN MY SPEECH LITERALLY ONE MINUTE BEFORE THE DUE DATE LOOK AT THAT DATE AND TIME I AM A GOD FEAR ME, MERE MORTALS WHO NEED A WEEK TO WRITE A SPEECH BECAUSE I WROTE MINE IN LESS THAN A DAY AND I CAN GUARANTEE YOU IT WILL GET A WORSE GRADE THAN YOURS BUT THAT’S FINE I’M JUST HAPPY I TURNED IT IN ON TIME WOOOOOOOOOOOOO some fun facts about my ascent to godliness *IN MY RUSH TO TURN IN THE SPEECH, I FORGOT TO RENAME THE GOOGLE DOCS IT WAS ON *THIS RESULTED IN THE PDF I TURNED IN BEING TITLED “A NICE FRESH PASSION SPEECH HOT OFF THE PRESS.PDF” *HERE IS A PICTURE IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE ME: �� it’s 4 am and i can’t sleep �� �� in the morning i will surely weep �� �� but for now i am perfectly fine �� �� scrolling through the randomness online �� thank you, thank you*MY TEACHER IS GOING TO SEE THAT TITLE WHEN HE GRADES MY SPEECH *OH DEAR LORD *WHAT WILL HE THINK *THE WHOLE TIME I WROTE THE SPEECH I WAS ALSO FRANTICALLY MESSAGING ONE OF MY FRIENDS *I’M PRETTY SAID FRIEND HATES ME NOW *YAY that one time i accidentally called 911 (oops?) SPOILER: it was today INSOMNIA: A SONG BY ME �� it’s 5 am and i can’t sleep �� �� in the morning i will surely weep �� �� but for now i am perfectly fine �� �� scrolling through the randomness online �� thank you, thank you Category:Dumps Category:Spam Category:Fun Pages __NOEDITSECTION__ __FORCETOC__